Wednesday, February 22, 2006
he's gone.
for good.
the day he left, the sun was shining so bright while snowflakes were hurrying down from the heavens, eagerly making contact with the ground.
it was a strange sight.
and it was a perfect reflection of how i was feeling inside-
i'm upset as hell yet secretly relieved that all the drama is finally over and done with.
saying goodbye is harder than i imagined, but at the same time, it is also the best thing to do sometimes.
when i saw tears welling up in his eyes, i cried even harder,
and that really broke my heart.
i couldn't let him go, and he couldn't look at me.
so we arranged to meet again the next morning for the last time ever.
i wish he didn't have to go, i wish things didn't have to end up this way.
but that's just how it is meant to be and i have no other choice but to move on.
how can i come to terms with knowing that the one guy i actually liked (even veering dangerously close to the 'love' side) is gone, out of my life forever, and even though we said we'll write i know people change and everything will drift apart and then all this will be nothing more than a memory of a winter when two 20-somethings met and spent 6 months together.
i will never walk out to find him waiting for me at the corner where we agreed to meet,
we will never walk down the dark alleyway in search for a beer, or tempt homeless guys to sing songs to us,
i will never get a kick out of him trying durian and other weirdass dim sum or laugh at his atrocious pronounciation,
everytime someone knocks, i realise that it will never be him at the door.
oh my goodness, i miss him already.
it's all so melodramatic! i hate it! goodness, in a month i'll think back and laugh at how silly i sound.
for now though, it's all so freaking weird and i'm desperately trying to let everything sink in.
i don't know if it was a stupid idea that i had stuck it out knowing that everything was going to end at this specific date,
and i don't know if i can justify all the agony and the fussing,
but the memories i have of him and the time we spent are all beautiful.
and that's all that matters now, isn't it?
my family and friends are the sweetest things. everyone that mattered called to check on me.
haha it's funny because it's as if it's the end of the world, i'm actually a bit embarrassed to keep assuring everyone i'm fine.
i won't die of a heartbreak but it is afterall my first so i am a little weirded out by how fast everything went by!
it's like: poor girl- her heart is broken because her dutch boyfriend left. puppy love lah!
had a chocolate fondue party last night -finally-
and its nice to have my friends come over to accompany through most of the night :)
so thank you, thank you, thank you!
i love you all.
and you, especially.
wai * 8:40 AM *